new again...

I heard from a wise woman once that the one word that describes LIFE is CHANGE.
that wise woman was Donna Louden.
and she not only my leader but my friend. my inspiration. my role model.

Friend--- a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard; a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter

I have good ones =]

my life is changing. sometimes a bit uncomfortably but i know it will be good.
hard too but good.
im learning to live. to be the pillar where there is none. like in my family.
for my disciples when things are shaken. and even if im shaking too, i have to hold on and be strong.
im learning to grow up. be wise and mature. to embark on a new part of my life. moving out, interns... hah, im learning to change...
when things are going away, im learning to know theyre coming back.

tears.
ive had more than ive bargained for lately. but they build me and tear me down at the same time. but what has been torn down will be brought up stronger.
and even when times are hard im pushing and shoving and even crawling it seems at times to God.
to grow closer. to fall deeper in love. to trust. to mature.
God is speaking. and im hearing. im making myself hear better.

boldness.
i have been more bold in the past month than i ever have before. and it is paying off.
hah, ask Joanna Lloyd. she knows some.
ive learned to build up my family and not just myself.
and ive noticed that, as Pastor Jerry said, when i take my eyes off myself and onto HIM and others i actually grow more.
ive learned to pray with my family and not just for them. and ive seen change errupt from them. this is the time.

Me.
im learning who i am. and who i can be.
Donna has really been pushing me for that lately. and its time i stepped up to the plate instead of being afraid of it.
i am realizing the verse "perfect love casts out all fear" in my life.
and Joanna has been pushing me too. and Grace. and Charlotte.
WAY out of my comfort. but being a christian sometimes mean s being uncomfortable.

there are things that are happening that i dont want. but i cant change it.
i have to live with it, be positive, and move on.
because in then end, itll all be ok again.

Im learning to be who i am.
not who i think i am. but who i really am.

I am new, again.

In the words of Jael...

I am the "Victorious Warrior"
I have to admit, I've had my share of victory in my life
But what happens when the situation that needs victory is out of my hands?
When the person I'm closest to, by blood, is hurting now more than I ever have seen him before...
It breaks my heart and I have to sit and watch
I am strong even when I dont always feel it.
I am a warrior and I know it
But now, my cry to God is to help me because on my own... I'm not strong enough.
I am the victorious warrior and now is not the time to give up...
I want to see the victory.

God help me...