OH GLORY!!!

At last... I feel the warmth of Light again.
Walked into my regular coffee shop Im so accustomed to, comfortable in, known well and for the first time in a while, my friend looks at me and says, "You look joyful today. Refreshed. Comfortable."
Wow! That is a nice thing to hear when for a long time all Ive heard is "Are you ok?", "Im so burdened for you."
Although all the 'prayer' was appreciated and still is its nice to be seen as 'joyful'.
Thats not really descriptive word for me. At least not when I look at myself.

Looking across this coffee shop I see the one person I fear saying goodbye to the most.
Friendly reminder to keep hoping.
If it werent for this boy I may have lost myself in my own head.
So thankful for the ones that talk you through the madness.

I was doing some reading today.
The book is called Experiencing the Holy Spirit.
We're going over it in Pastor Emilie's Holy Spirit class.
I read,
"He who raised up the dead Jesus to the life of glory will just as miraculously bring this heavenly fruition in you."
Then, it hit me.
The Father, who took the deadness of Jesus in addition to all of our sin and filth - our own death, and brought Him to a glorious victory that has transcended humanity to the core, can produce THAT SAME FRUITFULNESS in me!
That same resurrectionin me.
Even when I feel lost and forsaken, the power in me is still at work and well able to perform that which my Father has longed to perform all along.
No, I cannot do that alone by any means but it is possible.
I began to feel a flame of hope flicker again in me.
I feel comfort, indeed.

Than later I read,
"Likewise, the Lord Jesus, who is exalted high in heaven, penetrates my whole nature by His spirit until all my willing, thinking, and feeling are moved by Him."
Wow! How profound!
Just as the sun brings life to the earth, the Spirit of God warms me and brings me life!
I yearn for the Spirit of God to bring things to life in me.
To see all of His promises fulfilled.
I want my life after interns to be more fruitful and more blessed.
To go from glory to glory to glory.
To see my whole group in that same fruitfulness, blessing, and FAITHFULNESS!
Its been a hard yet glorious two years and I do not want to see that go to waste in any of us.
I want to be an example and leader in my classes at Berean Bible College in the fall and so on. I want to lead the way and bring more wisdom and revelation to the other students.
I want to be a blessing to my teacher. I want to bring perspective. I want the spirit of interns and how we do things to effect everyone around me.
That they would seek after God and wisdom and knowledge like we've been taught. I want to exceed previous students and set a new standard in the Bible College.
I want to see what Ive learned from Pastor Steve and his spirit be on me and more so. That they would see and know.
I want to walk in and be lead by the Spirit like Pastor Emilie.
I want to be better equipped than I am even now. I want to learn so much more.
I want to be even more faithful, alert in the Spirit, more receptive to what God wants to speak to me.
I want to be ready to step into the ministry God has for me.
I want to grow in my gift of healing, prophecy, and wisdom. To have word of knowledge. I want the Spirit of God to be seen on me.
I want to be effective in prayer. I want to be able to see things in others to learn from, to minister to, to bring affirmation to.
I want to be all that God really wants me to be.
Holding nothing back.
Yes :)

Simply This...

Its simply this, we are in war
Darkness is chasing me and I fight to hold onto hope
The more I speak of the chains and the depressive state thats tried to overcome me I feel the grip loosen
Its the power of the living Word
This love, even when I am unaware of its presence, sustains my life
The grip of death has no power over me
Even when the sting of loneliness whispers lies at my life. I am not forsaken
Come to my rescue my Prince of Peace
Hold me when I am afraid
When all I wannna do is run away, let Your arms swing wide for me
You fight for me when all my fight has left
Reminded I am simply human all my weakness surfaces and Your strength takes over
I am matured when You allow the emptiness to be felt
Only by this experience can I be strengthened to make it in my future
Answer me Oh God
Save me. Love me again and let me feel my heart warmed once again
Let Your healing be known and touch those whose names have left my lips
No matter what I FEEL I will not give up
Youre all I have, need, want...


Ive always been aware of what I had. Always had a special care for those I loved that God brought into my life. But when its lost, the appreciation only grows. The pain I feel is only heightened when I see one I love and care for in pain. I miss one of my best friends and wish her circumstance was not hers to carry. God bring healing and restoration. I fear having to say goodbye to another. I cannot imagine going years without him in my life. I can only imagine my last moments as Id be forced to say goodbye. Could he know what he means to me? Could 'I love you' suffice? Even a letter of all I could manage to pour out? God please dont let him leave. Im afraid of losing you, friend.
Ive been faced with many scares. And although I know I can survive them, I dont want them. I dont want to have to SURVIVE. Yet in all this, I will still confess, God is good.