We Are The Devoted Ones...

I am one of those who refuses to be satisfied in shallow waters.
My heart cry is, "Lord, take me deeper."
I am humbled as God continues to answer this cry within my soul.
The resistance is felt as I am led.
But I continue. I fight.
I yearn for more.
I yearn for His Spirit to guide and for all to follow.
I yearn for close relationships and deep connections.
I yearn to know Jesus on new levels.
I yearn to feel my heart sync with the beating of His own.
I yearn for my eyes to see through His perspective.
May I walk in wisdom, in humility, and His unending grace.
May I speak with honesty, truth, and purity.
May He show me mercy when I fall short, and more-so, may I show myself that same mercy.

I have vision for my future.
I dare to dream and only wish that I would never settle for less.
That my dreams would outgrow me so that I may grow into them.
I want to never forget to believe that God is able.
That He far exceeds and that He is far above.
Greater still, that He has all control.

I yearn to walk in peace always.
To walk surely and steadfastly.
Compassionately and lovingly.
With fire in my heart and wind in my sails.

I deeply desire to see fruition in the lives of those around me.
I pray peace, grace, and success.
I long to see my friends' dreams fulfilled.
To see each and every one walking fully in His calling.
I pray that they would see themselves the way Jesus does and never stray from His path.
That they would never doubt the One working within them.
I want them to believe.
I want them to feel loved, encouraged, supported, and wholly cared for.
I want them to always feel the Holy Spirit resting on them, guiding them, speaking to them, enabling them, and so proud of them.
I want their hearts to be ever filled and overflowing with His perfect, un-earnable, yet lavishly poured out love.

Fill us up, God, with all that is You.
Let us reflect your Son, Jesus.
Let us know you to the full.
Let us love others like You do.

We are the devoted ones.

A Little About Me...

A little about me.

I am incredibly insecure at the most random of moments.
There is no stopping it.
I am either very confident and really outgoing OR I am very quiet and shy.
It is mostly dependent on the mood of my day.
I always fear of intruding in a place I don't belong.
I question my place often, even with my closest friends. Always wondering if I truly DO belong.
I really love books, coffee, and pandas.
I thrive on deep connection and one-on-one time. I need it.
I really like hugs and affection and hearing "I love you."
If I don't get those things for prolonged period of times I feel really unloved and shut down completely.
I love blogging - when I have/make the time.
I am probably more real when I write than I am any other time.
I love people. A lot. I love loving them. Praying for them. Doing things for them. Especially if I feel close to and connected to you.
Sometimes I wonder if that gift in me is more of a con than a pro, but I can't help it.
I often feel like my heart is going to EXPLODE for how much I love people.
My friends and Jesus bring me crazy joy.
My heart breaks in the same way FOR people.
I think that the idea that LOVE is conditional or earned is absolutely absurd!
Although, I often feel the same. For people to love me, not for me to love them. Loving is easy for me.
But if it breaks my heart to see hurting people who think they have to do something to be loved, I wonder how much more it breaks Jesus' heart.
I am very, very observant.
I think a lot. Probably too much.
I try to let my focus always be Jesus. -in church, in life, in what I do, in doctrine, in faith, in hope, in trouble, in love, all in all.
I think much more than I say. I just respond to myself. Mull it over.
I am petrified to say something stupid or do something because I fear that I will drive away the people that I love and care about most.
Not because what I say would be offensive but simply because I am weird - being embarrassed of me.

As I write this, I feel like I can almost hear Jesus screaming at me that some of this is absolutely crazy.
That He would want me to think differently.
I feel the tugging on my heart that Jesus loves me extravagantly.
That He wants me to dream and believe with Him. That He believes in me.
And that He wants to break my fears and insecurities off my life.
That could be my prayer. For me. For my friends. I'm probably not the only one who feels those things.
In all of my lack, it is humbling seeing Jesus cover them with His love and His care.
That He would project Himself through me.
That He would bless me with amazing people who love me despite the fact that I am so, so weird.
Grace is divine enablement.
And boy, have I been divinely able to do a lot of things.
Including overcoming all of my absurd thought patterns and scarred hurts that have accumulated over many, many years.
God is incredibly good. More than I could imagine.
And God has been speaking wonders into my world as of late.
I KNOW that I do not deserve to be where I am at in life. I don't deserve my wonderful church and my wonderful friends. And I do not deserve where God is taking me in my life.
Yet still, He does.
He does,
He's doing,
He is acting.
For me.
Wow.