:) Im lovin' it

I love life.
I love to learn.
I love to go through a trial and breakthrough into rich fulfillment.
Every challenge overcome in the will of God is beautiful.
I rejoice.
I love my friends.
I love God.
I love the Word.
I love worshipping. [especially now that Im learning to play songs on my guitar]
I love growing and changing into the woman God has made me to be.
I love being used for the glory of God.
I love being a good friend.

I feel fulfilled.
I feel healthy.
I feel love.
I feel like Im finally doing my life right.
The joy of obedience.
Of laying down my life for the One who layed down His own.
I am not faultless but blameless.
I am learning.
Everyday is new and fresh and exciting and a lovely experience.

Glory be to God.
I am loving it :)

Not because I have to but because I want to...

I LOVE being in relationship with the Lord!
What honor and joy!

I am so blessed to be asked to go down to Mexico with a team tomorrow for the Immanuel Foundation to bless over 1.000 people! God is soooo great!
I feel so honored and privileged to have this oppurtunity. Preparing and expecting for a crazy day and seeing God move.

I have such a great life!
Even when its the hardest God is still so good and faithful when we trust in Him and offer up our life and hearts :)

Today, God has really spoken to me.
I truly count it all joy to go through various trials!
Because through those trials I GET to trust in God!
I GET to grow closer to Him!
Because every trial is an oppurtunity for God to take you higher and for a nice cuddle session with the greatest Father of all time!

And God provides the best people ever!
Hearts knitted together :)

I am so loving life!
And all the things God is working in me, yes, even the painful ones, I COUNT IT AS JOY!
I am so stoked!
I am so ready and willing to pour into Mexico tomorrow and with anyone I can!
I want to profess what God is doing and how GREAT He is!
I am experiencing what the next level in intimate relationship with the Lord is!
I am going so far! I feel it now! Like a lot! Man!

I LOVE BEING AN INTERN!
I loveeee all my Intern family and seeing them grow on their own and all of us together! We've all gotten so close! In the words of Nic Schneider. WHAT A FREAKING BLESSING! (I added the freaking haha cuz im that excited and stoked)
I seriously love seeing all my friends grow and step out and push with all their might to the next level.
The unity is amazing and I know it will only grow and grow :D

I am ready to step out!
Well, I want to haha
Still a little intimidating but who cares anyyymore!
I just gotta go for it!
I would not being saying that if it weren't for all my greatest friends encouraging me and helping me and pushing me onward!

I LOVE THE LORD!
And I am not in it for stupig religious reasons or obligation!
But because I DESIRE Him more than anything else! EVER!

Man I can just feel the boldness all over me and the Interns!
Had a CRAZYYYY dream about the Interns too!
(Sorry I havent told you guys yet haha except Megan, but I will)

I am stepping out Lord!
Drawing closer and closer to you!
Look out world, San Diego Interns are about to bring the beatdown!
Chyeah!
:D

A Faithful God...

God IS faithful.
Yet again He has proved Himself to me.
His goodness, His mercy, and His grace.
I am overwhelmed by His obvious existence.
Existing and working in me and through me.
Through others.

Connect group monday night,
It was pretty cray-ceee haha
Somehow tables were turned on me.
One of my greatest flaws was brought to the surface in front of everyone haha
It was pretty awkward but soooo good.
I went home totally enraptured by the whole ordeal.
Hannah Heiny got a word for me and prophesied over me.
It was crazy because it totally related to stuff I had gone to God about haha Then God was like 'Hey. We talked about this. Listen to Hannah. That word is for you my dear. Hahaha' Yes, God laughed at me.
Then when I got up the next morning its ALL I could think about!

I then went to worship practice.
That was nuts too lol
Soooo good!
Megan was joking about how freaked I was on stage when I thought Brittne Roy was gonna make me sing on the mic alone.
Luckily, she spared me. But I doubt it will be much longer haha
Then Han and I were talking about connect group.
She made a good point.
She said, 'Whats the point in a connect group if we're not really connecting and getting stuff brought out and worked through?'
I had no comeback for that one haha

Ahh I love God :)
And my friends.

To be honest I have lost a lot of my close relationships with friends recently.
And I was truckin it nearly alone.
I had Jynell and Kyle.
The others trickled away somehow.
Some, our relationship just changed and some are almost just gone.
And I needed God to help me out.
And the thought of going through Interns alone scared the crap out of me.
God is my sufficiency and through that He has provided the best people I know.
I really dont deserve the friends I have.
BUT GOD is good.
BUT GOD is faithful.

You ever notice how our lives are filled with so much JUNK and just lame stuff. Or we've gone through these times that just plain suck. But through all of that there is a 'But God' right after.
"I was like this, BUT GOD..."
"I almost... BUT GOD..."
"I should be [insert your JUNK time here] BUT GOD..."
He is truly a Rescuer to the helpless.
A rock in the midst of a storm.
The Faithful in our faithless.
The Redeemer in our trespasses.
The Helping Hand in our fall.
The Duster of our knees.
The Health to our sickness.
The Answer to our prayers and questions.
The Restoration in our mess.
The Power in our weakness.
The Life in our body.
The Air of our breath.
The Healing to our wounds.
The list is endless...

I AM a worship leader. [through the flow of His Spirit]
I AM a pastor. [through the love He is]
I AM a preacher. [through the anointing of His hand to my lips]
I AM a writer. [through the creativeness He has given]
I AM a restorer. [through the compassion in His eyes]
I LOVE immensely. [because He FIRST loved me]
I AM powerful. [for He lives IN me]
I AM bold. [for He has 'taught me what to say'] <---Exodus 4:10-12 Hannah's word for me :)
I AM. [because Hes called me to His purposes]

YES! :D

Cracking Walls...

Ive been standing in this place called life.
And as I looked around me all I saw was chaos.
In the midst of this chaos I reached up my hands and bent to my knees crying out for a faithful God.
I was alone at this moment and I needed a little nudge to lift me up and help me onward.
Suddenly I opened my eyes and I was back at the altar.
I stood myself tired and weary but still I stood.
Then all of a sudden a prayer was answered.

Ive needed a friend.
Someone whos there and I can trust and my age.
I seemed to have lost the ones I onced walked with along the way to the place Im headed to.
I was alone and I realized it.

A new friend has made her way to my side and Im so thankful.
I admit I was scared.
I didnt want to open the door to the inside of the walls in my heart.

"Can I talk to you? Hey, you can trust me. I love you. Can i just pray for you?"

Wow. Thats all I could think of when I heard those words.
I was intimidated and afraid but I opened my mouth and spoke.
I tried so hard not to show my emotions but that look in her eyes broke my heart.
I wonder if thats the look Jesus has in His eyes when He ministered to people.
With such love and trust.
I knew God had placed her there for a reason.
I just needed a friend.
She prayed for me and I just cried. I NEVER cry in public.
It takes some serious Holy Spirit, Presence of God to get me to do that.
And since then she has still been there.
Now thats faithful.
Id know. Its just like me.
I dont see the point in having a relationship with a person if youre not committed and really care. I dont even waste my time.
But this is worth my time.

Gods taking me to new heights.
Redemption has overtaken me.
I fell and it hurt.
But Ive changed and God is entrusting me again.
He broke me to build me and I will not let Him down again.
I am merely human.
And I have been privileged to be there for some people for some very big times in their lives.
And I can handle it. I know what to say. And I have a friend to walk with in my life. And a mentor who is amazing and perfect for me.
I love my life.
Even when it hits me hard sometimes.

So this new friend of mine was sharing her story in Counseling 101 class yesterday.
It was funny because just a couple weeks earlier we were prayer walking together and talked about how nervous we were to do it and how we are and dont necessarily like being 'emotional' haha
She got up on that chair in front of the girls and began to tell her testimony.
And boy did she break me.
As she cried I began to cry with her.
Im so touched by this amazing woman of God.
Im honored to call her friend. And have so much respect for who she is and her story. Shes truly an inspiration and I know she will do many things in the lives of people. She is called to amazing things. And I love seeing her soar to new heights everyday and where God is taking her. Im so proud of her.
I love her so much.

My walls are cracking and crumbling.
And God is so good.
And Hes working in me.
In ways I never imagined.
Testing and trying and I am determined to past the test.
This is what I asked for.
And God is answering.
I love you, God.

I trust you...

This is the future...

and youre alive.


I was just reading through a friends blog.
And it hit me how life is going and how quickly.
Then all of a sudden a flash of memories hit me.

Sometimes I cant believe my life.
The people.
The events.
Where Im at.
How quickly its gone.
And the older I get the more time and life seems to slip through my fingers.

Today I went prayer walking with someone new.
A new friend writing her way into my storybook.
We talked. For quite awhile.
It was nice.
But I did find myself forcing my way out of my comfort zone and my walls I automatically wanted to build.
But the truth is I dont.
I dont want any walls.
Its habit.
Ive been fooled too many times.
But Im holding onto the hope this one will stick.

Im talking to an old friend.
The one thats been here forever.
I miss her.
We're reminiscing on all the times we've spent.
Trying to grasp where all the years have gone and the fact that when we met we were kids and now we're all grown up together.
How weird...

Life.
Im learning more everyday and trying to live it as best as I can.
Its so unfathomable.
Confusing.
But Im taking it one step at a time trying to take it all in and not forget it.

I should write a book on my life.
Maybe I can start it and touch it here and there while I am writing my series Ive already started.
It'd be quite a comical book haha

"Oh. It is love. From the first time I set my eyes upon yours..."

"Look what we've done." -Gayle Skidmore

"Just for now I kinda want to leave it broken. Just for now I kinda wanna leave it be." GS.

B r o k e n.
God desires this state of mind and heart.
Disconnected from world and self.

I hear Your voice and my heart yearns.
Over and over and over.

What have You done?

....................

B e a u t y.

R e f i n e d.

My heart is awake oh, Lord.

I am sick
and I am tired
of the hold of the enemy
on my
FRIENDS
&my
FAMILY.

this is the final straw...

A u t h o r i t y.

R e d e m p t i o n
is beautiful...

I am learning.
How
to
die.

The nails to my flesh.
The tears to my eyes.
The gold refined.
Beauty defined.
Holy.
I am Yours.
And You are mine.

L o v e.
everlasting...
♥

Learning How To DIe Pt.2

Eloi! Eloi!
The famous words of Jesus as He was on the cross.
My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me!

My flesh is crucified.
It hurts and stings and I see all Ive put on hold at the foot of the cross.
I am holding on.

Its hard, yes.
But it will all be ok.
Im telling myself over and over.

I have seen answered prayer slowly peeking through.
My God, wont this too?

I have faith and am believing that God is not only going to answer those prayers Ive bene praying for for so long in this season but the one that has newly burdened my heart.

Death.
Somewhere, in the midst of it all, there is beauty.
I will find it.

Come Lord.
I cannot bear this on my own.
My flesh is weak but my spirit is strong within me.

Learning How to Die...

That song by Jon Foreman has just opened my eyes
Actually that whole Winter EP has touched me the past couple days and I know still will the next season of my life.

I thought I was learning all these different things. Which I am. But its really hit me how much I really am learning how to die.
Setting aside things that mean so much to me.
Setting aside love that I have.
My heart is stretching but I have never had so much faith in God that everything is going to be ok.
Even when I am alone and afraid and hurting and just cry I know I will be ok.
Even when its hard and I let my emotions out I will be ok.

I thought this was over but something new has just begun.
And that song 'Do you know the way you move Me' has touched me yet again but on a whole other circumstance.
God is so jealous for me. Not for most of me but ALL of me.
He wants ALL of me. All of my heart and mind and strength.
Everything.
He is stretching me.
At times I feel like Im going to break but I hold onto God with all I have within me.
God is all I have.
All I have that sustains.
That never leaves or breaks or changes for the worst.
But its always growing and the love is overwhelming.
He is all I have.
When my world shakes and crumbles and I feel like I dont want to do it anymore
He comes to me.
I feel His love and presence.
I hear the still small Voice.
He says to me 'Just a little longer. I am here. And you can do this. I work ALL things for good in your life. Its all going to be ok.'
And I stay and I linger and I cry out and I read His words and hear His voice and talk to Him and come into His presence.

This is part 1 of a very big journey.
to be continued...

Have you ever?

Have you ever been so moved for someone that every prayer for them moved you to tears and desperation?
Have you ever been so moved by Him you worshipped but couldnt reach high enough or sing loud enough?
So loud your voice gives out but its never enough?
Have you ever looked at your life in awe?

I shared with my new connect group last week what God was speaking to me in this season of my life.
I sat in front of a group of people I barely knew and told my story.
As I told them and heard myself declare Gods plan for me over my life it hit me.
I was moved. Moved to the point that I had to stop and apologize because I almost cried.
I am so thankful to God.
Im at a place in my life I didnt know Id be in and that I dont deserve.
I love God so much.
Hope has risen in an abandoned heart and spirit.
Darkness has trembled and fled restored with His glorious light.

God has moved me.
I have moved God.
I have cried out and Hes answered.
My best friend who I barely see anymore has moved me to desperate lengths.
I will not give up on myself or my friend.
Weve all been there.

I LOVE GOD!
I LOVE HIM!
<3

I am so ready for the life God has planned for me.
To be who I was always meant to be.
Thank you God for all Youre doing and have done.
Thank you Jynell for being the friend and leader Ive always needed.
My Pastors and friends.
I love my life.
Even when its hard.
I trust in my God.

Zerubbabel...

Dont you remember?
When you were called?
When we were?
The Lampstand is your destiny.
It is still here.
Take it quickly and run with it.
Run with the vision God has set aside.
I will run alongside.
Just like the night we knew we were headed somewhere.
No more confusion.
No more separation.
No more lost identity and motives.
Run with God and see the windows of heaven open up over your life.
The Lord is with you Mighty Warrior.
No one ever said this was gonna be easy.
Run!
Run from where you are to the throne of God.
At the mercy seat.
God loves you.
I love you.
You are called to the right hand of God.
And the gates of Hades shall NOT prevail against you.

Zechariah 4
Vision of the Lampstand and Olive Trees
1 Now the angel who talked with me came back and wakened me, as a man who is wakened out of his sleep. 2 And he said to me, “What do you see?”
So I said, “I am looking, and there is a lampstand of solid gold with a bowl on top of it, and on the stand seven lamps with seven pipes to the seven lamps. 3 Two olive trees are by it, one at the right of the bowl and the other at its left.” 4 So I answered and spoke to the angel who talked with me, saying, “What are these, my lord?”
5 Then the angel who talked with me answered and said to me, “Do you not know what these are?”
And I said, “No, my lord.”
6 So he answered and said to me:


“ This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel:

‘ Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,’
Says the LORD of hosts.
7 ‘ Who are you, O great mountain?
Before Zerubbabel you shall become a plain!
And he shall bring forth the capstone
With shouts of “Grace, grace to it!”’”

8 Moreover the word of the LORD came to me, saying:
9 “ The hands of Zerubbabel
Have laid the foundation of this temple;[a]
His hands shall also finish it.
Then you will know
That the LORD of hosts has sent Me to you.
10 For who has despised the day of small things?
For these seven rejoice to see
The plumb line in the hand of Zerubbabel.
They are the eyes of the LORD,
Which scan to and fro throughout the whole earth.”

11 Then I answered and said to him, “What are these two olive trees—at the right of the lampstand and at its left?” 12 And I further answered and said to him, “What are these two olive branches that drip into the receptacles[b] of the two gold pipes from which the golden oil drains?”
13 Then he answered me and said, “Do you not know what these are?”
And I said, “No, my lord.”
14 So he said, “These are the two anointed ones, who stand beside the Lord of the whole earth.”

In ways I cant yet see...

"So the people stood afar off, but Moses drew near the thick darkness where God was." ---Exodus 20:21

Next week, my whole world changes.
Not that it already hasn't begun but on September 3rd, 2009 it will be written in stone.
I've been through a season of hell in my life. Where I felt trapped and afraid. Like I was suffocating in existence.
Yet, through all my hell, through all my mistakes, God was there.
I persevered through the darkness, where GOD was.
I will continue this journey into a life I ahve yet to experience or imagine.
Donna reminded me yet again of that tonight.
The previous blog is my word for Interns.
And I am beginning to believe this verse is like a part 2.
Like, what my thoughts are through all this.
I will not fear.
I will press on.
I am a Mighty Warrior for Christ Jesus.
I cannot afford to go back.
I want to be ready for all God has for me.
As people look from behind me, they will watch how I will transform into what God has planned me for.
I will come out new.
Being changed by the glory of God and all its beauty.
Im so excited, anticipating what God is getting ready to do.
In the fear of God. Not afraid, but in pure honor that He would take me in.
That even though He knows what Ive done He never regrets dieing for me.
Calling me to Him. God draws near to me and I have drawn near to Him.
I have never been so hungry for God.
My heart is in the process of being prepared.
I am ready to be somebody God can be proud of, that I can, that my friends can, and that my family can.
God loves me.
Hes not mostly mad, or mostly sad at me or you but more than anything He loves us.
He looks at us and is moved.
Hah, I love God so much! <3

Simply Simple...

"The Lord preserves the simple; I was brought low, and He saved me."

God is really so simple.
His love and His word.
His very heart coming alive through the pages.
His very self in the midst of worship.
His imaage in ourselves.
He just wants our heart.
Our life that He gave us.
ITS SO SIMPLE!
Why does it have to be complicated?
Sure. life can be hard but GOD is so SIMPLE.
Just run to Him.
If youre weary talk to Him.
If youre lost walk with Him.
There is a way. And He already gave it to us.
We just have to CHOOSE.
Its simple.
Just say, 'Yes, God. Ok, here I am."

[[Do You know the way You move me?]]

When you put your iTunes on shuffle...

i just wrote a whole blog and it deleted...
dangit...

p.s. the song was Trouble Sleeping by The Perishers.
The line from the song that the blog was about was---
"I’m having trouble sleeping
I’m thinking of what you said
About the tears been shed
Leave me"

Just let it go...

Im letting go.
Ill be here when youre back.
I am an adult and I am making good decisions.
Right, God?

Sometimes,

it just works out different than you intended...



Unintended events create an open door for a purpose you dare to live or to make the choice to turn and run away
I chose to take the door and find myself in the midst of chaotic series
Im in the light and on my knees begging for Him to take the pain away
But I guess Ill just have to live with it
After all Im in my own hole I dug so deep my tears are drowning me
I need a heal I need a break I need to get far away
Deal with this consequence and the broken pieces Ive made
Some I believe Ive lost
But there is a Backup and new pieces to be made
I feel dirty and ashamed
I feel guilty and marred
I feel broken and sad
I feel like I lost myself and I blame myself everyday
Im sorry for what Ive done and who Ive come to be
Letting go of all my good and holding onto to everything I use to push away
I lost my conviction and that still small Voice
Im running back searching for it once again
Im trying to hear You
Im crying for You to please save me
No longer wanting to trample on Your blood
Im lost and afraid
Ive fallen and crumple to the floor
Too ashamed to look myself in the mirror
I want to go home
And Im trying to take whoever I can with me
Im sorry I ever let them think it was ok
I wont leave them where I was so I grab their hand and drag them with me
But I cant help them heal until Ive become healed myself
This is a process and Im only at the beginning
Youve been waiting for me...
I wont ever let go
Of you and You
Oh God... here I am... save me.

And its a little complicated...

I feel like today I started on an epic journey of really growing up. I am an adult and now I'm going to really act like one. I spent most of my day with Jynell and am walking away with so much more on my plate. A new outlook on a life that can honestly be pretty screwed sometimes. In times like these uncomfortable measures must be taken. I do not want it to be this hard but damnit being a christian and wanting the best for your life isn't always easy. Its work and its hard. But in the end Ill be so much more blessed and leave a lot of pain I could have behind. Sometimes I ask God why things cant just happen a little quicker or a little easier. But its not my timing. God doesn't look at time. And sometimes some sweat and some blood is needed. To experience things that stretch you and grow you. Obstacles to be jumped and conquered and tests to be passed. In my heart of hearts I want everything to work out and be ok and be so unbelievably close to God. But its gonna take a little pain and uncomfortableness. Its gonna take work and some I really dont want to go through. But its so true that you have to go through fire to be refined. And you have to have an attitude that's good and submissive to God. Everyone makes mistakes but we have to be prepared to deal with the consequences of them. We have to go through things to get what we really want. I want to be stubborn in my walk with God. In a really good way. I want strong convictions that I stick to and lines and boundaries. Because to be completely honest, without Gods boundaries He wants us to have because of His love for us, our lives and the world would be chaotic. A lot like what happens to the lives of people who dont have God in them. God is living and He is living in us. But we have to CHOOSE to live out what He has for us. The goodness He has for us. To live through His love. I want my life to be a shining example of the Lords. I want to be happy and fulfilled and blessed. To be so in the will of God that more than I can ask think or imagine would happen and be birthed in me. My life is complicated. But then again thats life. Thats the adventure in it all. You cannot really predict God. And I want to have a new confidence in myself so that I do not hold back the unpredictability of God in my life. I want to know I can be used by Him and I want my soft heart to be molded by Him into His art and creation He has set out for me and planned for me to be. I want to be strong and figure out who I am IN GOD. Not in anything else. I want to surprise the world and myself. To expand above what I thought I was capable of and into something extraordinary and do things in my life I could only dream of and beyond that. I need more intimacy with God and prayer. I need God to help me. Especially in this season I have come into. To help me rise above every circumstance and come out of every consequence stronger. I want to believe I am fearfully and wonderfully made and see it in myself. I want to do so much more than what I have been doing. I dont want to stop at a roadblock forever but move on higher into God and His will. My heart is longing for it. I'm starving for something more. Something new and exciting and good for me. Not something that rips at my heart and bruises and cuts me. Not something that gives me pain and sorrow. But right before the eyes of God constantly kneeling before His throne. I want a capacity to learn and be so close to God I could not and would not want to push Him away.
I want to be who God has MADE me to be. Not what people want me to be. Who I feel like I have to try to be. What the world wants me to be.
I want to be set apart.
In Gods will.
LOVING my life.
HAPPY.
FULFILLED.
Who I am MEANT to be.
Oh, God! Help me! Mold me! Love me!
I dont want my life to be complicated...

I was only for your use...

I was only for your use
And when I didnt give you what you wanted it all fell apart
I know not what happens now
Except that I must act
I cannot say Im angry
For Im not innocent of fault
But I feel the pain of being drained
Knowing it was just a game
Just some words
I was used
I was only for your use

Im moving on
And will be used for something worth it
My God who redeems
Thank You Lord
For I am redeemed
I am loved by You

Thank you...

This is to one of my best friends
The brother
The consoler
The listener
The logic behind my chaotic ramblings

Kyle this is for you
For all the times you opened your eyes
Opened your heart
Opened ears and mind

Hahahahah why am I being poetic?
I guess its second nature
But yeah my point is thank you
For all the times you listened and helped
For THAT THING
Thank you
It made it so much more understandable
Hahaha all the mess with HIM hahah
ily
thank you
you help me more than you know :)
I need a friend like you who understands me and knows how to listen and who I can listen to right back :)
youre awesome
I value our friendship :)

Been Wanting...

I made a jump
A leap
A Dare
Im getting what Ive been wanting
Im having my night
I cant wait for that day
When I see into your eyes
Im happy
Excited

Why does it always have to be a mission?
A rule
An obstacle

Im taking this jump
This leap
This dare
Ive been wanting...

:)

Seeming to become...

I have become a non-existent care in your world.
Or so it seems.
Every memory that has slipped through the cracks.
Every promise lies broken at your feet.
You turned your back and walked away.
Please dont let it be this way.
I will stand here by the pieces and pick up the ones that fell from your heart too.
I will put them back together and hold them close.
I will embrace my hurt to mend yours.
I will wait to return these pieces you lost.
Even if I grow old and grey.
I will never break my promise to you.
Faithful to the end.

Im seeming to become just a thing of the past.
Never of worth to you anyway.
This is not true and no matter what the voices say I will not listen.
I know that this is just a break in the bend that will someday come together again.

I say your name and the tears come quickly.
I fall to my knees and I pray.
I will never cease to cry these tears or speak these prayers.
I love you.

This is seeming to become the line of every lonely harmony.
I will catch you when you fall.
Before you ever hit the ground.
I will catch you like you once caught me even if you wind up on top of me.
I will hold you up and share your pain.
I will never leave you.
When all these things that are giving you false fulfillment force you to turn back around I will be the one standing behind you.
The one that followed you into the dark just to bring you back again.
I will be the one who never left.
The one who was whispering encouragement and I love you into your ear the whole time.
If I must be bruised, broken, and bleeding its worth the cost.
The cost of you Ive held so close.
I will not be like them.
I will be the support you need.
The one behind you bracing your back when you never knew I was there.
The one who kept you knowing God is good.

This is seeming to become a chapter in life that will only bring us closer.
Time will heal and you will see.
I kept my promise and I love you...
I will never leave you...

Through the darkness...

Through the darkness is breakthrough
There is a Light waiting on the other side
Will I push through or sit down in the midst of this storm
I will not stay here or return to where I came from
I will not give up...
I stand here now and a streak of Light has touched my face
I will pull forward into the fullness of Your beauty

"This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which enters the Presence behind the veil." [hebrews 8:19]

Hope
Hope
Hope.
My Anchor.
I will walk behind the veil.
I only want to please You and walk in Your will.
Here I am Lord, use me.
Your servant.
Your daughter.
Beloved.

I already knew...

By your fail to respond I already knew than answer...

It cut deep
Its still cutting deeper
Im wounded and Im bleeding
This blood thats spilling from my heart means nothing
It means my pain and trust spilling out
It shows my crippling from your actions
But my crimson stains are nothing like the ones He spilt
Through all my angst I will still say God is good
But that doesnt change what youre doing

God, I know how You watch me
How you see my life like and open book
And I know Youre my Comfort even when its hard to feel Your embrace so gentle
I know You are my Guide showing me where to go even when I feel blinded
I know that through the storm is Your peace and joy
I will trust in You even when I cant trust much else
This will turn to life, to good, to life more abundantly
And I know Youre watching over and protecting the people I love the most even when theyre hurting me or themselves who wear a mask
This will not be the end for us but a sting that heals stronger
I learn more everyday
As one chapter of life closes here You are to open new doors and write new pages
I love You
and I love you..
Im still here

No...

I dont understand...




Jesus, i need You...
Now. More than i did before.
God, i love You.

I dont understand...

Done.

I am done.
Done, done, done.

Leave my life.
Leave my heart.
I am done.

Please...
Im done...

My Apology... for you or You or you

im sorry for every mistake i made
for every broken promise i sent your way
im sorry i ever said those things
or did those deeds
i came and had gone away
i walked astray
i wouldnt look back
and if i did id run
run away and hold myself tight
im sorry for every day i let my bitterness keep me
im sorry for never being good enough
im sorry if i ever did you wrong
im sorry for every time, it was my fault

im tired of running
tired of getting too close
im tired of caring
but i cant help but to care
the truth is i love you

this is my apology
quick and to the point
yet i owe you so much more

i see you now
i saw you then
what happened since this adventure began

i promise to never leave you
promise you wont leave me too
the truth is i love you

Sorry...

i havent had much time to blog lately.
sorry. ill get back to it soon enough.
for now, some song lyrics of a song i like lol

"Millstone" -Brand New

I used to be such a burning example,
I used to be so original.
I used to care, I was being cared for.
Made sure I showed it to those that I love.

I used to sleep without a single stir,
'Cause I was about my father's work.

Well take me out tonight,
This ship of fools I'm on will sink.
A millstone around my neck,
Be my breath, there's nothing I wouldn't give.

I used to pray like God was listening.
I used to make my parents proud.
I was the glue that kept my friends together,
Now they don't talk and we don't go out.

I used to know the name of every person I'd kissed.
Now I made this bed and I can't fall asleep in it.

Well take me out tonight,
This ship of fools I'm on will sink.
A millstone around my neck,
Be my breath, there's nothing I wouldn't give.

Throw me that lifeline,
This ship of fools I'm on will sink.
A millstone around my neck
Be my breath, there's nothing I wouldn't give.

Never hit the brakes
there's no time to save him,
He just ran out in the street
anybody know his name?
I think I recognize him
Sure as hell paid for that mistake

Woah.

So take me out tonight.
This ship of fools I'm on will sink.
A millstone around my neck.
Be my breath, there's nothing I wouldn't give.

To save my life tonight.
This ship of fools I'm on will sink
A millstone around my neck
Be my breath, there's nothing I wouldn't give.

what?

i had my birthday party. it was fun. but its weird how the littlest things are the ones that made it special.
for one, nick wrote me the sweetest card in the world. i almost cried. hes such a good brother
and two, i saw my best friend. its funny because i see her all of the time but i cherish every moment im with her. i really value her in my life and am so thankful to God for her.
sadly, sadie didnt stay with me long... poo.
and tonight made me realize, i have such great friends.
theyre such a huge part of my life and i love them so much.

i feel so different. i feel something in me changing. i dont know what it is.
its like im seeing through different eyes and feeling things all differently.
i feel like i just want to run down the street screaming or fall to my knees and cry.
and im not even sure all the reasons why i want to. i just do.

i want more of God.
i want stronger relationships with friends.
i want to do something new.
i want to just jump.

what is this i feel stirring inside me?!
i hate not knowing!

one thing i want, is to talk to my best friend. really talk.
i want my Gracey...
i want to hug her and talk to her and cry on her and do something crazy with her.
i hope i get to be with her tomorrow.
i wanna go to the gym then hangout all day and talk and just be. than watch one tree hill.

what is wrong with me right now?
i just wanna.... vbefjbvelfvoefboebv

My Everything...

i am living in a dream
a dream where i have the choice of how it ends
i see the crossroad
i choose my road
have faith in me
im half dead
what of me is dead?
i am dead to myself
i cant always stay the same
and now a new fish has hooked to me
i cant see it all
i cant see where its going or what is coming
but life is like a cliff
you jump into it and take it as it comes

ive opened my eyes to yet another day and whats staring back at me is not what was yesterday

i taste the dirt on my lips
i push myself up off the ground
dust the dirt from my knees
i look down at my bleeding hands
looking through the holes that pierced them
all at once i realize, i am crucified with Christ
just as His scars mark His hands, they mark mine also
we are the body and we're in this together

and now i realize im not alone?
no, i knew i wasnt alone
that my Father was always here, holding my hand to guide me, carrying me when im struggling, comforting me when im lost, showing me light while in the dark
but now my realization of not being alone has only gone higher
a new level of security

ive come to declare i am His mighty warrior
running with the gifts Hes freely poured out on me
doing the responsibilities Hes entrusted me with

God is my Strong Tower
the arms i hold so closely
the heart that beats in me
all that i am IS God
i am His daughter and i am blessed
i can do anything for He has made it possible for me
my voice is speaking of Him and for Him
my hands are reaching towards Him
and no matter how far i reach itd never be enough
i can never be satisfied but only become hungry for more and more
and i know the more i hunger and thirst and beg for more He will give it to me
because i asked and just because, He loves me
my God loves me more than anything
more than any friend or relative
than any thing in this world

i touch You
but one touch would never be enough
i would hold onto You forever
i never want to let go
let go of my Love
my Father
my Peace
my Hope
my Salvation
my Redemption
my Truth
my Strength
my Joy
my Everything.

i am so in love with You...

And here it goes again. change, its life....

tonight was the first night of my yet again, NEW connect group.
but this sint the same as before. im the leader now. with travis.
God has given me this and i wasnt even expecting it so soon.
i am being pushed into a high leverl of leadership adn its good.
im being stretched and molded and tested.
God, You can count on me. i promise.
it went better than expected. not as well as it couldve been but good.
but i know in my heart itll get better. after all it exceded my expectations.
people opened up. people who once never did. a lot of people couldnt make it tonight but they will. this connect group will flourish and grow.
it wont be ordinary or dry. i wont let it. it will be powerful and will prove people wrong. it will be a good thing. i trust You, Lord.

i had a nice workout with Grace after. it was fun. we're goofs lol
im getting realyl good at this exercise, get fit thing =]
tomorrow me and my best friend are hanging out again.
i love her.
she also gave me the best birthday ever. it was a fun 18th.
im an adult legally now lol

the 10th anniversary banquet was bomb sunday. i liked it.
it encouraged my vision.
im so excited for interns and what God wants to do in my life.
im so ready to walk even deeper with the Lord.

today at school me and nick talked during prayer. it was so good.
God has been speaking to us both to get more into the Word.
i need to make more time for that.
i need to not be distracted and also do better in school.
reminds me, i have to work my butt off on my current events project due friday. Lord help me. i AM gonna graduate lol

ooh ooh and im going to disneyland the 17th with choir. my first time ever going. AND DONNA IS GONNA MEET ME THERE AND HANG OUT WITH ME! =D
my donna baby! <3 its gonna be so fun. im gonna ditch the choir kids and chill with one of my favorite people ever! =] but i may drag cassie with me lol
BUT IM HANGING WITH DONNA! WOOOOOOOOO! =D YAY!

GOD IS SO GOOD! WOO!
blog again soon! =D

Do you not see?

Do you not see it?
Can you not see that its hurting me?
Those words you spoke werent just words but the ones that go down deep and hurt my heart.
Theres nothing more I can think to do.
Whats worse is youll never know how you hurt me...
I never tell you. I let it go...
Im waiting for you to come back.
But Im already broken and only breaking more...
Its ok, I forgive you, but will you?
I love you.
Its still hard though.
Those words you said and cant take back spin through my head.
I dont even know if youd want to take them back.
Cant you see youre hurting me?
And I always thought you knew it was different than that.
Have you forgotten.
Its ok, Ill always forgive you.
I love you.
Dont you remember that?

Give it away...

I feel retarded...
I think I really just need to give things to God.
Is this wrong?
To feel these things I do?
Is it forbidden? Because I cant help the way Im feeling but I wont ever let it go too far. Im holding it back with all thats within me.
And then I feel as though things are slipping into an odd place. Is it bad to feel jealous of this other thing going on. Actually its both. But Im human and even though Im pushing it away I am jealous and confused and hurt.
Dont think that by me saying this that Im saying God isnt good. Because He is. Wholly and completely. But it doesnt mean I dont feel things.
Nobody even knows what I am talking about really but it feels nice for me to write because I know what Im thinking.
Blogging helps me get out the things I cant seem to say for real.
If I knew that it was ok to, theres only 2 people Id want to pour my heart out to. This excludes the Lord. I tell Him everything. But friends. Theres 2 I want to tell and pour out to but I cant.
Im doing ok. God and I are good so dont get me wrong. This is just how I get stuff out.
God is working in me so radically right now and its good. Im realizing a lot and stepping into a lot and getting prepared for a lot. Its good. But sometimes doing it alone, is really hard.
I have to give it away.

Also, sometimes Im a poop face jerk and I feel bad...
Im sorry.
The person that is to will probably never read this blog but I am sorry.
I already told you, I just wish youd forgive me now.
You offended me and I did it back. Not cool. Im sorry.
Just a hard day today. I didnt even get to tell you...
Geeze, I love you. HAH and youll probaly really not ever read this. lol oh well.
OK I think I need to stop now...

Im losing it lol

It seems that you dont quite realize what you have until you fear you may be losing it.
Man, having a fever really does things to your mind.
I fear it may be throwing a deep sense of paranoia on me.
But if its not, if this is all real, then it all sucks.
Ahh i dont know what im babbling on about, nevermind.

But, I saw my brother today. It was nice. I missed him.
I just hope he'll give in and go to church with me on sunday.
I feel like he still has a wall up to that.
God, please break that wall.
I care too much to just let it go.

I am starting to feel a little better from my plague of a sickness.
My muscles still ache but i am now mobile.
I can see without a haze and tears streaming down my face.
Im just better but i have a ways to go.
I have a lot to catch up on in school though.
I currently have 2 F's and a D.
All of which i pray i can get up quickly here.
Graduation is in 3 months.
Holyy Crapp!

Im glad im a little better now.
I think I can manage the gym tomorrow.
Grace thinks i got my fever from working out too hard too soon at the gym.
I think i may believe her.
I have to slow my roll and stop trying so hard.
Hah now im gonna have to slow down. my body wont be able to take much tomorrow.
Then i have to make myself sit down and type my darn english essay before i ruin my chance at graduation. im so scared. Jesus help me lol

anyway. im so blahhhh. i need the Lord.

BUT! Josh and Joannas wedding is saturday =D woooo!

Why does it seem like this?

I feel like im not doing what i should. or what i could.
I feel kinda like my world is being flipped and flopped a little.
Some good, some not so good. Some really confusing.

I wonder sometimes if im a good enough friend.
Or if im missing something and slowly failing into something not so worth it.
I just want to be there for her. Help her.
But nothing i seem to say is doing any good.
Like im being slowly pushed away.
Or maybe its just me i dont know.

I just want to be stable.
In who i am and what im doing.
Being just who i am.
Not looked at like some weed that stumbles to and fro.
I was always told i was like Peter.
Simon-Peter. One day a weed and another time a rock.
How can a person be 2 things so different at the same time?
People are getting sick of it.
But i feel im getting more sick of myself.
Knock it off.
Ive been told that way too many times this week.
Why cant i just listen?!!!

Knock it off, Britt.
This isnt ok anymore.
Its not fun and im disgusted with what Ive been doing.
Disgusted in myself.
I need to just stop.
Why am i like this?!

Just knock it off...

Life Change...

thats what I experienced at GC Conference 2009.
I feel different. Deep down in my Spirit.
Roots that have kept me in bondage are uprooted and I AM FREE.
God comes through to those who humbly come to Him and pour their heart out to Him like water.
No strings attached.
Christianity and Gods Kingdom is NOT a buffet!
No picking and choosing!
Submit to God and you WILL be BLESSED!
GOD IS YOUR FATHER!
THE CREATOR OF EVERYTHING! HOLY CRAP!
Things that I thought would never leave my life ended.
Theres so much going on in my head I cant even think of all to say right now...
hah sorry... to be continued.

continued...
I am being used.
Ohh boyy am I.
God is just speaking to me so much.
This morning, Grace texted me.
It was a line from a Rick Pino song.
It said, 'the Lord is with you mighty warrior.'
I read it and right after I responded to it, I heard the Lord say, "You are My mighty warrior. I am with you, I need you. Fight."
Then i remembered that Jael had named me on her blog friends list 'Brittany: Victorious Warrior'
Then all at once it hit me!
Thats part of who I am.
Im a fighter, and I need to FIGHT for the Kingdom of God.
Take what already belongs to God and take it by force and the power that God has given me. BUT with love when I need to.

I find myself under a lot of pressure.
But I am ready to just do it.
Gods grace is sufficient enough for me.

My choir teacher called me today.
I was not at school thursday or friday because of conference and I left school early today because I was feeling really sick.
I didnt feel like picking up my phone.
She left me a voicemail.
I listened to it and she asked me if I was doing ok, how much she needed me and depended on me, what was going on in class, stuff that was going in witha student in my class, and that she may have lost her baby.
She hadnt even told everyone else yet.
And all in that message I could feel the pressure of supporting that whole program.
But maybe, God needs me to be the strength in that class.
Maybe thats part of me being a mighty warrior for the Lord. To help and support people, specifically that class and teacher.
I find it ironic that shes so dependent on me considering also that she is the teacher representative for Generation Forward.
She is always telling me to minister to certain people in that class everyday.
Is this part of it Lord?

I can do this...

p.s. My family is starting to get changed by God.
My cousin, her husband, and her son [who doesnt really count hes 1] got saved Sunday morning with Pastor Benny Perez. My mom came to church but wasnt super responsive but thats ok.

p.p.s. My brother gets out of rehab next Tuesday the third. We're having a party for him. Grace and Nick are going to come. And my brother will come to church, gte saved, and planted in the church in the name of Jesus! =]

You never said...

You never said this would be easy, rejoice in this deliverance.
Its funny how a song can make you think so deeply on this life.
I am fully alive in God, I have a future, and I carry on in the Lord because I have suffered. I was empty. Wrists bleeding to try and stop the pain.

I love You because You are my Truth and saved me from death.
I reach towards You because its the only thing I can reach for that I can know for sure wont let me down.
I worship because Youre my everything.
Without You, I am nothing.

Conference is tomorrow. I am so excited.
To be a part of it.
And to receive from it.
God comes through in times of desperation,
And I am so desperate for more.
Im tired of being accustomed to You, God.
I am jumping in.
My life is in a pivotal state and to stand in the same place is foolish.

You are breaking and molding but I know the hurt I feel now is good.
A pain I once new is one that made me want to end my life.
This pain is one that pulls me into Your lap and to look to the distance and see something worth living for.
It hurts, but Id have to say, that Im happy with this pain. Because it means Gods working in me. Not the devil.

Thank You, God.
Youve made me whole.
I love You. <3

A Sunday to remember...

today was good...
we had a guest speaker at church and a few things he said made me ponder all day.
in Isaiah 49:16 it says, "See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands;..." and Pastor Dave Walker said that the scar that remains on Jesus' hands is your name. Because He gave His life for you. And those scars represent you and His love for You, His purpose for dying. being a christian is not about us but it is about God. we were made for His glory and we live like Him for Him.

then i had a fun little post valentines party hangout. it was fun. i decorated. i cut a lot of hearts. and Sean Pearson and Kayleigh Faulhaber helped me tape them up and do streamers. i had some encounters with Joanna today lol multiple ones. we have to talk lol but in a good way i think. eeh, i hope. and im spending the night with her thursday and helping her wednesday i think.

anyway, after that little fellowship gathering Grace, Nick, Me, Dominick, Andy, and Chris went to Calvary Chapel. it was 930 and we walked in and they were just done with their prayer time. Jordi was so happy to see us lol so after jumping up to grab Grace and I around the neck her and her group decided to start all over. So we prayed and wprshiped for a long time. it was sooo good. God showed up liek crazy, the unity was so evident, and everyone prayed so powerfully. i felt as if we were praying Gods will and what He wanted to speak. Jordi learned how to play Holy by Matt Gilman and Cory Asbury. it was the last song she sang and God was like wooosh, there. and all i could do was slip from my chair on to my knees crying out to God. it was soooo amazing and good. something i needed. Calvary youth pastor is a cool guy too. all together there was me, grace, nick, dominick, andy, chris, jordi, john, pastor nick, aiden, jordan, hannah, and ooh dang this other girl. her name slipped my mind. God is so good. and i keep meditating on His goodness. its blowing me away.

im in a breaking period right now. God is breaking me and molding me and revealing things to me. i admit sometimes its hard and it hurts and it gets emotional but in the end i know it will be so good. oh Lord, i love You. =]

this feels... im not sure, anymore.

do you ever have it where so many different things are going on and you feel tham all at once and youre not sure whether to feel good or bad?
because i feel a lot like that right now...
tonight i have come to see again that God is merciful. my brother, the one in my family im closest to, was arrested in december. i had been praying for him for so long. and then it literally broke me to see him fall and that i couldnt help. i just wanted God to set him free just as i was. and it didnt happen. and i was discouraged. ive missed him so much and even still my heart aches for him. he was looking at 3 years in prison. and that is not something i could bear to see. i prayed so much and i cried so hard for my brother. he had court wednesday. God is merciful. he has 3 years probation but if he breaks it he has 1 year in jail. also 10hours of community service. i plan on setting him up to do it at the church. adn he has 2500 dollars in fines. i want to help him pay for it if i can. i just want to see my brother again. and i want God to change him...

graduation is in 3 months and 23 days. im a little scared. but excited.
God is doing a lot in ramona and in my influence on others.
Josh and Joanna are getting married in 3 weeks.
Conference is next week.
i need a job lol Lord help me.
i miss donna... yes, i admit it.
God has opened my eyes tonight at the work Hes doing in my cosens life through me.
me and my mom are fixing our relationship.
i turn 18 next month. weird.
i want more of God.
i feel discouraged but i fight so hard just to crawl my way into my Fathers lap.
i miss my dad. calling God 'Father' is hard for me. and i hate admitting i miss my dad. and sometimes i get sad seeing my friends dads. the closest i have to a dad is God, Pastor Jerry, and Lon Lloyd. im around Lon the most but id feel weird telling him i see him that way. i dont know what its like to hug a dad but when Lon hugged me about a month ago it felt different. and although i dont have the experience to say for sure id say thats what it feels like to hug a dad. i just wish i had the chance to hug my own. thinking of my wedding scares me and makes me almost sad for that reason alone. not having a dad...
haha i think its funny my dad was a biker.
i trust my best friend Grace more than anyone but sometimes i find it hard to just be me with her. tell her what im thinking. i know its bad too. i dont know why i do things i do sometimes.
im so excited for interns. im so hungry for God and to learn more. i want Him so much.
sometimes i wish i wasnt me. and im afraid that im not good enough or that no one is proud of me or sees anything in me. although if i tried to be honest with myself id know that that isnt true but it feels that way.
i almost feel like im not worth anything. no one would want this. thats terrible. God renew my mind, wow. anyway, theres so much more but i dont think i could even write it all.
im not sure how i feel.
good. bad. indifferent.
i dont know.
but what i do know.
i love God.

it hurts...

my life is being distracted
the traces of empty promises
the tearing of old wounds
but i will fight
as the smoke in my head clears im reaching
God, You know i cant do this alone
help me again
another wave has come
its tearing me up inside and im hurting
thank you for the best friend who keeps me moving
Your spirit that is helping
but Lord i still need more
especially now
im being honest now
i miss him
and my tears are constantly spilling from my eyes for him
even when i tell myself to fake and hold back the tears never listen
bring him home to me and home to You
faking the strong and happy one makes me tired
let me rest in You
send Your glory and presence because its the only way i will make it
i trust in You

Oh God, im hurting...

In this season, my life.

Im on a rollercoaster.
When I first got on i felt sick, afraid, and miserable. I couldnt wait to get off. It was like there was a storm going on and there was nothing I could do to stop or shelter myself from it.
But then,
All of a sudden, my eyes were opened. I broke through the storm cloud and I could see the sunshine and beauty of life. I could feel Gods hand on my back and finally I felt happy, safe, and secure.
God is doing so much in my life right now and I can smile wide and say, this is good.
I just wish some people were here to see it.
Someday theyll see.

For awhile I felt stuck in a bubble. Hiding all my deep dark secrets. Hiding who I really was. And one of my biggest regrets is staying like that with Charlotte and Donna. And if they ever saw anything I was hiding Id make them fight for it. But now God has really made me grow up and now I want it. I am doing it. And I made a promise to myself and God that I wouldnt be that person anymore. Everyday I make a conscious decision to just be myself and open up my life to my leaders or friends. To not feel like I need to prove myself or compare myself to other friends or leaders. For so long and even recently I tried so hard to be "as good" as Donna. Like I had to be this perfect form of her and do all I could have people see her in me rather than just me. Whatever was going on in my life I would keep to myself and not fix it or be accountable with it because I was afraid I couldnt be accepted for who I was. I now make myself, no matter how uncomfortable it feels, to be real. Especially with Joanna. As in lastnight, even though it felt weird, I made myself tell her everything that was going on in my life, what God is doing in my life, and everything else. It was so good! And she told me what she thought I could fix and what she thought I was doing well in. Shes pushing me to be who Im capable of being. And Ive never felt better about how I am doing or who I am.

So for Charlotte and Donna, Im sorry for all I put you through and for never being real or what I was capable of being. Its different now and I want you to see Im not that same girl anymore. This is a new season and a new year. And I am a new me.
Thank You for everything youve done in my life. And Joanna for what youre doing now.
I love you all <3

Brink...

Time has run out and my spark is dim.
Im losing sight of all I've worked so hard for.
I stand on the brink,
Unable to decipher realism from just a dream.
Decisions to be made and my thoughts are jumbled and scattered as so many opinions are thrown here and there.
Expectations of others I try not to oblige in but only seek to find my own.
Sometimes I wonder if the expectations of myself are not even mine, birthed from my dreams or desires. Or is it just a concoction of everything I feel I am suppose to want?
I must trust in something more than me for I fear I cannot trust in only myself alone.
I live to please others but its no longer time for that.
For who am I that I base my life? Am I truly me or have I lost myself in being good enough? Having to prove myself worthy?
I put my life into a spectrum and see its reflection staring at me, and sometimes I dare say that Ive lost myself. Dont recognize whats suppose to be the definition of me.
Or maybe, in some ways, I feel I dont deserve it.
This is a brink in time.
A brink in my life.
Where do I go from here? And sometimes I hate that I have to make the decisions on where I go because I dont want to make the mistake of going the wrong way.
I have to do go on my own.
Live my life and figure it out.
I just have to be me.
But who am I?
I am: fighting to reveal it. To accept it. To find it out. I am finding myself.
Evaluation of all Ive held onto. All I am.
Wondering what to leave behind and what to grasp ahold of and pursue.
This is my brink.

heh woooow

Jesus is sweet, so sweet to myyy soullllll!
[[soul junk]]

sooo much new, eh?
its getting me! sheeesh!
so honestly, i can feel the pressure hard!
some good.. some... a little uncomfy. [shrugg]
im getting use to it
but boy am i busyy. i actually had to maek a makeshift calendar today because ive got sooo much going on lol i laughed at myself
BUT good news, im going on a photo adventure with Miss Katie Royy tomorrow in Little Italy of downtown San Diego.
GREAT spot for pics and I have olivias camera to borrow but slightly bittersweet.
Ive only been there once.... with Donna.
hmmm. yeah.
and then... spending the night at Joannas after connect group monday night and hopefully skipping school the next day cuz i dont wanna get up at the butt crack of dawnn and i could use the extra day for school work and well, my LIFE!
OHHH! dang i gotta go shopping for Joannas bridal shower!!!
skadooosh! man!
oh and Twitter! you gotta try it lol
anyway, im not much for being a creative bloggist right now
HAH im pretty sure i just made the word 'bloggist' up lol
but when i get some real time and my creativity back ill get some of the goood stuff on here lol
for now im gonna try to do something at least half productive, like maybe homework, and listen to colbie caillat and joanna newsom!
email me or text me or facebook me blog friends! <3
laaaaater! hahahah im in a weird mood LOL