A Faithful God...

God IS faithful.
Yet again He has proved Himself to me.
His goodness, His mercy, and His grace.
I am overwhelmed by His obvious existence.
Existing and working in me and through me.
Through others.

Connect group monday night,
It was pretty cray-ceee haha
Somehow tables were turned on me.
One of my greatest flaws was brought to the surface in front of everyone haha
It was pretty awkward but soooo good.
I went home totally enraptured by the whole ordeal.
Hannah Heiny got a word for me and prophesied over me.
It was crazy because it totally related to stuff I had gone to God about haha Then God was like 'Hey. We talked about this. Listen to Hannah. That word is for you my dear. Hahaha' Yes, God laughed at me.
Then when I got up the next morning its ALL I could think about!

I then went to worship practice.
That was nuts too lol
Soooo good!
Megan was joking about how freaked I was on stage when I thought Brittne Roy was gonna make me sing on the mic alone.
Luckily, she spared me. But I doubt it will be much longer haha
Then Han and I were talking about connect group.
She made a good point.
She said, 'Whats the point in a connect group if we're not really connecting and getting stuff brought out and worked through?'
I had no comeback for that one haha

Ahh I love God :)
And my friends.

To be honest I have lost a lot of my close relationships with friends recently.
And I was truckin it nearly alone.
I had Jynell and Kyle.
The others trickled away somehow.
Some, our relationship just changed and some are almost just gone.
And I needed God to help me out.
And the thought of going through Interns alone scared the crap out of me.
God is my sufficiency and through that He has provided the best people I know.
I really dont deserve the friends I have.
BUT GOD is good.
BUT GOD is faithful.

You ever notice how our lives are filled with so much JUNK and just lame stuff. Or we've gone through these times that just plain suck. But through all of that there is a 'But God' right after.
"I was like this, BUT GOD..."
"I almost... BUT GOD..."
"I should be [insert your JUNK time here] BUT GOD..."
He is truly a Rescuer to the helpless.
A rock in the midst of a storm.
The Faithful in our faithless.
The Redeemer in our trespasses.
The Helping Hand in our fall.
The Duster of our knees.
The Health to our sickness.
The Answer to our prayers and questions.
The Restoration in our mess.
The Power in our weakness.
The Life in our body.
The Air of our breath.
The Healing to our wounds.
The list is endless...

I AM a worship leader. [through the flow of His Spirit]
I AM a pastor. [through the love He is]
I AM a preacher. [through the anointing of His hand to my lips]
I AM a writer. [through the creativeness He has given]
I AM a restorer. [through the compassion in His eyes]
I LOVE immensely. [because He FIRST loved me]
I AM powerful. [for He lives IN me]
I AM bold. [for He has 'taught me what to say'] <---Exodus 4:10-12 Hannah's word for me :)
I AM. [because Hes called me to His purposes]

YES! :D

Cracking Walls...

Ive been standing in this place called life.
And as I looked around me all I saw was chaos.
In the midst of this chaos I reached up my hands and bent to my knees crying out for a faithful God.
I was alone at this moment and I needed a little nudge to lift me up and help me onward.
Suddenly I opened my eyes and I was back at the altar.
I stood myself tired and weary but still I stood.
Then all of a sudden a prayer was answered.

Ive needed a friend.
Someone whos there and I can trust and my age.
I seemed to have lost the ones I onced walked with along the way to the place Im headed to.
I was alone and I realized it.

A new friend has made her way to my side and Im so thankful.
I admit I was scared.
I didnt want to open the door to the inside of the walls in my heart.

"Can I talk to you? Hey, you can trust me. I love you. Can i just pray for you?"

Wow. Thats all I could think of when I heard those words.
I was intimidated and afraid but I opened my mouth and spoke.
I tried so hard not to show my emotions but that look in her eyes broke my heart.
I wonder if thats the look Jesus has in His eyes when He ministered to people.
With such love and trust.
I knew God had placed her there for a reason.
I just needed a friend.
She prayed for me and I just cried. I NEVER cry in public.
It takes some serious Holy Spirit, Presence of God to get me to do that.
And since then she has still been there.
Now thats faithful.
Id know. Its just like me.
I dont see the point in having a relationship with a person if youre not committed and really care. I dont even waste my time.
But this is worth my time.

Gods taking me to new heights.
Redemption has overtaken me.
I fell and it hurt.
But Ive changed and God is entrusting me again.
He broke me to build me and I will not let Him down again.
I am merely human.
And I have been privileged to be there for some people for some very big times in their lives.
And I can handle it. I know what to say. And I have a friend to walk with in my life. And a mentor who is amazing and perfect for me.
I love my life.
Even when it hits me hard sometimes.

So this new friend of mine was sharing her story in Counseling 101 class yesterday.
It was funny because just a couple weeks earlier we were prayer walking together and talked about how nervous we were to do it and how we are and dont necessarily like being 'emotional' haha
She got up on that chair in front of the girls and began to tell her testimony.
And boy did she break me.
As she cried I began to cry with her.
Im so touched by this amazing woman of God.
Im honored to call her friend. And have so much respect for who she is and her story. Shes truly an inspiration and I know she will do many things in the lives of people. She is called to amazing things. And I love seeing her soar to new heights everyday and where God is taking her. Im so proud of her.
I love her so much.

My walls are cracking and crumbling.
And God is so good.
And Hes working in me.
In ways I never imagined.
Testing and trying and I am determined to past the test.
This is what I asked for.
And God is answering.
I love you, God.

I trust you...