And then I myself become...

"When it is my time to go, go ahead and take me home, I know I'll be with You." Beautiful Eulogy


Everything that has come and gone, and all that lies ahead of me, was and is unforeseen.
All that I can count on for sure is that You were there with me, here with me, and will always be the home which I am enclosed in.
I cannot escape You nor can I break You.
I can be comforted by the fact that no matter what I see or do or experience, it will all be surrounded by You.
If I fall it will be into Your arms.
If I cry out it will be into Your ears.
My voice will be heard and my heart will be protected, mended, and forever defended.
My life is still unraveling but my end is no mystery. It will always be You.
My Beginning. My Middle. My End. All equaling out to just You.
By You. For You. With You.
By Your love, Your grace, my faith in Your name.
All of this blessed life even though I was and will never be worthy to be saved.
Yet every step of my life was important to You even when it made no matter to me.
I never want to lose the awe I have for You.
I want the acts of Your hand, the moving of Your Spirit, the depth of Your word, and the extravagance of Your love to always cause that thickness in my throat and the tears that gather in my eyes.
You come alive to me and then I find that with it, I myself become living.

Maybe more, maybe if...

Do you ever feel like you are not appreciated?
Like you are just a convenience?

Sometimes I do.
Not always.
But sometimes.

Sometimes I think, maybe I would be more liked, more important, if I were funnier.
Maybe if I looked better.
If I had more skills or I was more successful.

I am an insane lover of people.
But being that, being more sensitive as people would call me, sometimes you don't feel the love in return so much.
Maybe I only begin to feel this way during times I am more vulnerable.

I am about to make a change.
And I really want to stick with it.
I am really hoping that this next season in my life and the seasons thereafter will be fruitful.
Different. Better. More than even I can hope for.

I want to be noticed.
Not for popularities sake, but for the very fact that I exist.

I'm nervous.
I'm excited.
I'm determined.