This is the future...

and youre alive.


I was just reading through a friends blog.
And it hit me how life is going and how quickly.
Then all of a sudden a flash of memories hit me.

Sometimes I cant believe my life.
The people.
The events.
Where Im at.
How quickly its gone.
And the older I get the more time and life seems to slip through my fingers.

Today I went prayer walking with someone new.
A new friend writing her way into my storybook.
We talked. For quite awhile.
It was nice.
But I did find myself forcing my way out of my comfort zone and my walls I automatically wanted to build.
But the truth is I dont.
I dont want any walls.
Its habit.
Ive been fooled too many times.
But Im holding onto the hope this one will stick.

Im talking to an old friend.
The one thats been here forever.
I miss her.
We're reminiscing on all the times we've spent.
Trying to grasp where all the years have gone and the fact that when we met we were kids and now we're all grown up together.
How weird...

Life.
Im learning more everyday and trying to live it as best as I can.
Its so unfathomable.
Confusing.
But Im taking it one step at a time trying to take it all in and not forget it.

I should write a book on my life.
Maybe I can start it and touch it here and there while I am writing my series Ive already started.
It'd be quite a comical book haha

"Oh. It is love. From the first time I set my eyes upon yours..."

"Look what we've done." -Gayle Skidmore

"Just for now I kinda want to leave it broken. Just for now I kinda wanna leave it be." GS.

B r o k e n.
God desires this state of mind and heart.
Disconnected from world and self.

I hear Your voice and my heart yearns.
Over and over and over.

What have You done?

....................

B e a u t y.

R e f i n e d.

My heart is awake oh, Lord.

I am sick
and I am tired
of the hold of the enemy
on my
FRIENDS
&my
FAMILY.

this is the final straw...

A u t h o r i t y.

R e d e m p t i o n
is beautiful...

I am learning.
How
to
die.

The nails to my flesh.
The tears to my eyes.
The gold refined.
Beauty defined.
Holy.
I am Yours.
And You are mine.

L o v e.
everlasting...
♥

Learning How To DIe Pt.2

Eloi! Eloi!
The famous words of Jesus as He was on the cross.
My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me!

My flesh is crucified.
It hurts and stings and I see all Ive put on hold at the foot of the cross.
I am holding on.

Its hard, yes.
But it will all be ok.
Im telling myself over and over.

I have seen answered prayer slowly peeking through.
My God, wont this too?

I have faith and am believing that God is not only going to answer those prayers Ive bene praying for for so long in this season but the one that has newly burdened my heart.

Death.
Somewhere, in the midst of it all, there is beauty.
I will find it.

Come Lord.
I cannot bear this on my own.
My flesh is weak but my spirit is strong within me.

Learning How to Die...

That song by Jon Foreman has just opened my eyes
Actually that whole Winter EP has touched me the past couple days and I know still will the next season of my life.

I thought I was learning all these different things. Which I am. But its really hit me how much I really am learning how to die.
Setting aside things that mean so much to me.
Setting aside love that I have.
My heart is stretching but I have never had so much faith in God that everything is going to be ok.
Even when I am alone and afraid and hurting and just cry I know I will be ok.
Even when its hard and I let my emotions out I will be ok.

I thought this was over but something new has just begun.
And that song 'Do you know the way you move Me' has touched me yet again but on a whole other circumstance.
God is so jealous for me. Not for most of me but ALL of me.
He wants ALL of me. All of my heart and mind and strength.
Everything.
He is stretching me.
At times I feel like Im going to break but I hold onto God with all I have within me.
God is all I have.
All I have that sustains.
That never leaves or breaks or changes for the worst.
But its always growing and the love is overwhelming.
He is all I have.
When my world shakes and crumbles and I feel like I dont want to do it anymore
He comes to me.
I feel His love and presence.
I hear the still small Voice.
He says to me 'Just a little longer. I am here. And you can do this. I work ALL things for good in your life. Its all going to be ok.'
And I stay and I linger and I cry out and I read His words and hear His voice and talk to Him and come into His presence.

This is part 1 of a very big journey.
to be continued...