The beauty of...

surrender.

The Lord is teaching me humility.
Humility on a whole new level. Not as in not boasting but a sheer piece of the humility Jesus exercised on the cross.
Being VULNERABLE.
UNCOMFORTABLE.
EMOTIONAL.
Yet, in all this, peace...
Still in pain but in the fullness of peace.
How can it be?
Well, it just is. That is a mystery of God.
Its something I am coming to experience but can barely skim the surface of the answer in words.

Simplicity.
Jesus is ________. So simple.
We on the other hand so, not.
We're complicated. Lets face that truth.
So much so that in attempting to live the "simple life" we become even more complicated. Its a funny thing really.

God, I just love You.
With all my heart and my soul I LOVE YOU.
I love You enough to push through even when its hard.
Spiritual maturity? That is when you press on through trial, imperfection, transition, offense, confusion, and the list goes on. NOT when you run to being comfortable.
Lord, I dont want to become complacent.
I love You through the laughter.
I love You through the tears.
I love You through the ache tearing in my heart.
I love You throught thick and thin.
I love You at my best and my worst.
I love You.

When the waters are steady and I float along I enjoy the company of Your spirit and the intimacy.
When the waters are raging I rest in You and fight. I dont give up. Like Peter I walk on the water towards You.
You are my guidance and my peace.

I trust You.
Even when my flesh panics I walk in the spirit.
Who am I to doubt You?
Was it my hands that were pierced?
Was it my feet?
Was it my side that was pierced?
It was Your blood that covered my transgression and Your living water that purifies my soul that poured from Your side.
It came from within You.
Just as intimacy is within You and I.
You loved us so much that You allowed the blood and water to pour out of You onto us.
Though unworthy, You have made us worthy.

How humbling, Jesus...
You have clothed me with Yourself.
In righteousness. In purity. In love. In faith.
You do not care what I have done!
You care who I will be!
Your grace sustains me!
Not the law!
Jesus!

Your eyes have gazed upon me in MERCY, Jesus!
Undeserved mercy!
But You dont care!
You love me!
You dont have to love me but You do!
Lord, its Your mercy!
How crazy is that?!
I do not understand but that is the beauty of it!
How can I not love You?!
Everything in You is what I want and I need!
It DRAWS me nearer to You!
I LONG to be close to You!
Even more You long to be close to me!
Me...
Little me in all my imperfection.
But what I do doesnt dictate Your love for me.
No matter how many times I fall short of Your glory You STILL LOVE ME!
You grace me WITH Your glory!
I GET to be in Your presence!
How can we become familiar with that?!
Help me to remember!
What a privilege and an honor!
I DESIRE You Jesus!
That no matter WHAT I get to love You and You love me!

The beauty of... You, Jesus.

And so it seems...

Im walking along this path wondering if maybe Im falling behind the scene.
Watching as my friends lives unfold and I cant seem but to wonder, "Where do I stand?"
But then I hear His voice saying, "Dream with Me."
And I cant help but to follow that Voice.
I cant say no. I am beckoned forward.

I close my eyes and I dream.

I cant be stuck in this hard place in my life.
I must move forward no matter how hard the circumstances.
If I were to stop in this pit, this storm, then what differs me from them?
From the ones who sit and mock me.
Who walk in chastising words.
I am not THEM.
I AM DIFFERENT............

I close my eyes and I dream.

My future looks so different.
Setting a different tone.
For me and the people who most grasp my heart.
I am beginning to SEE.
Not see as in the way you open your eyes and look but I SEE.
I see what He sees....
And oh, the beauty is uncomparable to anything I have once seen before.
It is new and fresh. It is DIVINE.
INSPIRED.
SUPERNATURAL.
It is God centered.
God planned.
God ordained.
It is my intended life wrought out and planned before my own substance existed.
Before my first breath. Before my life began to form He spoke my future into existence.
He knew me. He knew the mistakes I would make but that never smothered His plan.
Oh. no. He has said, "Who I create in you is WORTHY. Is CALLED to THIS. THIS is my plan and purpose for you and only you. This is My love for you in action. Come and see. THIS is WHO YOU ARE. You are not disqualified because my blood has qualified you. My blood has REDEEMED you. Dream with Me..."

Watching as my friends lives unfold and I cant seem but to wonder, "Where do I stand?"

THIS is where I stand.
Here.
Right in the middle of God, my Fathers, plan and will.

I take a step into my calling.
Mine and only mine.
Aware to stay focused on it and not comparing to others.
As hard as it is, God has a demand on the anointing He has placed on MY life.
No more holding back.
No more fear.
No more comparison.
No more disillusionment.

And so it seems...
This is who I am.
I dream His dream.
A dream sanctified.
Made for me.
Created from nothing, He made me SOMETHING.

You know my every move...

The most reassuring thing is knowing God knows my every move and every step before I even take them.
Knowing I am in His hands.
Even when unexpected waves come God is faithful.
I am learning so much.
Loving so much.
Big decisions on my mind.
But i TRUST GOD to guide me in His perfect will.
Not just a good thing but His PERFECT WILL.

Intern Graduation is 3 weeks from today!
CRAZY!
This chapter is reaching its end.
I told Hannah and Megan this Tuesday. I was suppose to tweet it and forgot but they got a kick out of it haha Cause its soooo true!

"First year Interns is like going through a cheesegrater! Loved every second but I cant wait until Second year!"

Hahahahaha I am VERY excited for Second year!
To see what God's gonna do! Promises continuing to come to fruition :)

I know that this past year I have been radically transformed!
Ive seen some crazy things but I stand strong in Gods grace and thank You Jesus I survived! Woo hoo!

This is about all the time I have for catching up but more shall come!
Soon I hope! Theres so much to say!

I love my life!
No matter how hard because the hardest times have been part of my BEST times.

You were worth it to God!
Is God worth it to you?

:D

You are for me...

"So faithful
So constant
So loving and so true
So powerful in all you do
You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to you

I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who you are

So patient
So gracious
So merciful and true
So wonderful in all you do
You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to you

I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me that

I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who you are"
-Kari Jobe



I am always prepared for broken promises.
How does it feel when you've broken everyone and still I stand faithful.
How I've forgiven every word and action you've ever made against me.
Yet I know the meaning of mercy.
I am so much more grateful of forgiveness.

I am always asking why.
And You are always answering.
I may ask many questions but I hear Your voice so much more.
You've shown me the reasons are to know a love more pure and untainted than ever known before.
You've shown me a grace beyond my understanding.
A forgiveness undeserving.
A brokenness embraced and never feared.
A faithfulness I've forgotten existed.

I have been forgiven much and I love You much.
I am accustomed to being forsaken and betrayed but I know that You are for me.
I am weak but You are forever strong and build me stronger.
I am never alone for You are with me.
You are my healer.
My Redeemer.
My Song.

God, I trust You.
I may not always seem to but in my heart I truly do.
I am on my way.
I have nothing without You.
And You have restored every thing I've ever needed to me.
All the things I left behind to follow You, You've restored so much more.
Abundance and fulfillment follow me.
And every hard time is a JOY to me.
Because in the end I find You, Lord.

Dear friend do not be surprised if I expect the worst.
Expect to be forgotten.
Every step, though they may be small, is bigger than you know.
Someday, I expect to be fully restored.
I expect to espect the best.
Expect to feel deserving and worthy.
Hopefully, you will surpass my current expectation and see me be that person too.
Have a little faith in me...