"Begin"

There is this ache within me thats longing to do something.
Puzzling part is... I have no clue what that is.

I want to be important.
I want my presence felt not just known.

I want to be the thought in ones head that can't be run away from.

I feel like there is something creeping in me.
Wanting to emerge into existence.

I could shake with the anticipation.
With the urge to be something.

The jolt I can literally feel pulsing through my veins is unnerving.
I am not kidding.
I feel the jolt.

What is this?
This "thing" that sends my heart rate quickly up and the shortness of air in my lungs.

I want to start.
To be.
To see.
To do.
To run and run until the smoke trailing behind me is painting a vibrantly colorful picture of something beautiful and something I could not form with my own human hands and my own naturalness.

I want to talk in such a way that it build shapes within the atmosphere around you and I.

In my mind I can see the boundlessness and the limitless potential.
I see a world of possibility and these things I wish to create but have absolutely no clue how to begin.
I do not even know how to learn how to begin it.
I just know I want to push the big green button for it to start and manifest into tangibility.

I'm starting to think that anyone could look at me, hear everything I am thinking and feeling, even read these quite rawly honest ramblings and think that I am crazy.
Maybe I think myself crazy in ways.
But mind you this, I am not crazy.
The only way I can begin to explain it is this: I am learning to dream on a plane I've never before been in.
Its as though I am in a new place, with new potential; a fresh canvas with any tool I could possibly want or need, I just have to pick them up.
Only this: I have to figure out HOW to "pick up" these "tools."
I have to learn how to be equipped to use them.
This I know to be the task at hand.
I am only searching how to start, begin.

How do I ask?!
How do I get to the place of readiness?!

This is causing the nerve and the frustration I am so heavily feeling.

I. Must. Begin.
I just have to learn how.

Who knew "beginning" was an art form to acquire.
And this "beginning" is an art I have never before beheld.