Dislike...

One thing I hate more than anything - disappointing people.

If anything throws me into full fledged paranoia, this is it.
It starts the downward spiral of questioning everything.
Not even kidding...
Do you they hate my guts?
Will they still love me now?
Do I measure up?
Am I meeting expectation?
Am I now unqualified?

Funny how at the moment that sensitive trauma button is pushed, a person can completely unravel at the seams.
How my understanding of grace is completely thrown out the window.
How every memory of reprimanding, misunderstanding, tearing down, and belittling floods into my conscience.
And in those moments I am frozen in fear.

I hold myself to ridiculous standards.
And when I mess up even slightly, I am ripped apart.
Then when I don't know what to do, I usually rant on some blog post about it...
See what I did there?