A little whimsy...

Today felt like there was some kind of whimsy in the air.

I felt like I was different.
Fully myself.
It felt like some dose of hope had been injected into me making my eyes see things in new colors and in a new light.

I got in my car for my daily coffee run.
It had just been raining.
I breathed in deep, lungs filling full of the crisp and clean air.
The sky was captivating.
Sun setting, casting rays of light through the changing colors in the sky and the rainy deepness of the clouds.
On the way back home, I felt the need to explore. I wasn't ready to stop.
I drove right past my house and found myself turning onto the dirt road where I had my first kiss almost… seven years ago now.
The road opened up into this perfect open spot to catch the most beautiful picture.
I pulled over, no shoes on, and let myself squish through the muddy dirt just to capture this moment.
It wasn't just the sky I was trying to capture.
It was capturing the feeling of everything seeming strangely new.
I felt alive.
As though I needed this little trip down my back roads to remind myself of all the life left to live, full of adventure, and better than all my best moments I have already lived.

And as I drove back up that dirt road and passed the very spot of that first kiss -
I remembered all I felt in that moment.
Eighteen years young.
Standing with the tall, floppy blonde haired boy who use to play guitar for me.
Thinking how I always hoped I would end up in his arms experiencing this first with him - and I got my wish. It was happening.
Full of youth and excitement.
Little did I know, I would grow up realizing it wasn't as big of a deal as I had made it out to be.
And I would grow out of those teenage fairytales into something so. much. better.
So I waved goodbye to the memory of that boy and that dazed young girl. Wishing I could tell her what I knew now.
I breathed in deep and felt that resting assurance that everything was about to be the most beautiful and real and raw and most precious time of my life.
It felt good to say goodbye.
It felt good to say goodbye to the girl who isn't even me anymore and embrace the me I really am.
To feel the nostalgia of days gone past and realizing that I have grown up. Being unrecognizably different.
Seeing where life has taken me and the ones I use to know.
Feeling grateful that I learned who to leave behind and who to weave into my future.

This is what freedom really is.
This is what it feels like.
To embrace being fully yourself.

There is a beauty in those moments of pure and simple connection between your heart and God's spirit and experiencing   r e a l   l i f e.



" There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind. " - C. S. Lewis