What do you want to be?

People are always asking, "What do you want to be? What do you want to do?"
I freeze on it every time.
I don't always know why - or whether it is a good reason why.
But the one time I was able to answer honestly of why I froze, all I could say was, "I am afraid of not being good enough."
That is what makes me hesitate on answering that question because I feel like I won't fit.within those things I think about.

I am a creative.

I should not be ashamed to say that.
I should not be afraid to say that I do not fit in conventional boxes. I never have. That is not a cop out.

I want to write.
I want to create things.
I want to be an artist in my own way.
I also do not just want to do one thing.
I don't want one solid "career".
I do not want anything I do to be labeled in such a way because that word makes me think of a box - a box I am trapped in. I hate feeling trapped.

Yes, I want to do ministry as my life and I want to finish my degree in counseling.
Working with people is so perfect for me.
Yes, that degree means something to me and I want it.
Yes, I will probably take random classes just for fun because even though I am no natural student, I love learning. I love to read and that is both for pleasure and for intelligence.
But I also want to create and sell my own magazine.
I want to put on showcases and introduce the world to those in my world.
I would love to have another blog that really gets out there and reaches people.
I love art although I am no drawer and would never feel like I could lump myself along with some of my "artist" friends. They are bloody brilliant and I just don't know if I fully belong in that same entity. But hey, who knows, right?
I also really love teaching. I want to teach Bible College. For church interns, for adults, for any place that would welcome me. Maybe that will someday branch beyond just biblical things.

Beyond all these things that I could only dream of doing, even the ones I have not dreamt of yet, I really want to just be a wife and a mom. And a hella good one at that.

Can't I do it all?
Why not?

What do I want to do?
Who do I want to be?
I just want to be me.
I don't want to be pressured to fit in some labeled box.
I don't want to feel bad for not feeling like I have it all figured out.
Just.
Me.