Here am I...

It is moments like these where you can't help but ask yourself if it will ever end.
Will I ever not feel this alone anymore?
Will this nausea ever cease from the pit of my stomach?
Will the dominoes ever stop falling? One bad thing after another.
It is hard to have all this heaviness pressing against my mind.
I try my best not to carry it and for the most part, I succeed.
I can shut down myself enough to not care.
Well, yeah, of course I care, but not everyone has to know or see that.
And they don't.

I need a vacation.
I need to get away from everything for just a little while.
Not because I am running but just to clear my head.
To have a little time to let loose and let everything go.
Maybe getting away some will help cure the loneliness.
The kind of loneliness where your insides are aching and your head is spinning but you still play the game like everything is just fine.
It is. Just fine.
It is also just a tiring "just fine".
I just need to not be around so much of it.
I need time. Real time.
With myself.
With people I really care about who ease the tension some.
With God.
With God in a place out of the norm.

And when I can't quite get away just yet and when the nights get just a little too loud, here I am.
I end up here.