Give it away...

I feel retarded...
I think I really just need to give things to God.
Is this wrong?
To feel these things I do?
Is it forbidden? Because I cant help the way Im feeling but I wont ever let it go too far. Im holding it back with all thats within me.
And then I feel as though things are slipping into an odd place. Is it bad to feel jealous of this other thing going on. Actually its both. But Im human and even though Im pushing it away I am jealous and confused and hurt.
Dont think that by me saying this that Im saying God isnt good. Because He is. Wholly and completely. But it doesnt mean I dont feel things.
Nobody even knows what I am talking about really but it feels nice for me to write because I know what Im thinking.
Blogging helps me get out the things I cant seem to say for real.
If I knew that it was ok to, theres only 2 people Id want to pour my heart out to. This excludes the Lord. I tell Him everything. But friends. Theres 2 I want to tell and pour out to but I cant.
Im doing ok. God and I are good so dont get me wrong. This is just how I get stuff out.
God is working in me so radically right now and its good. Im realizing a lot and stepping into a lot and getting prepared for a lot. Its good. But sometimes doing it alone, is really hard.
I have to give it away.

Also, sometimes Im a poop face jerk and I feel bad...
Im sorry.
The person that is to will probably never read this blog but I am sorry.
I already told you, I just wish youd forgive me now.
You offended me and I did it back. Not cool. Im sorry.
Just a hard day today. I didnt even get to tell you...
Geeze, I love you. HAH and youll probaly really not ever read this. lol oh well.
OK I think I need to stop now...